Advice for Job Search Informational Interview Calls--Research, Research, Research

A friend is looking to make a career change and asked me to check out her script for requesting informational interviews. 

Her script was good, but too generic for my (limited) experience. I suggested she personalize it, and to show her how, gave some examples. 

Hello, X. My name is Bubbles McBubbles.  And I am very interested in (Food prep safety/Elephant art-therapy/in-house editing for lawyers’ briefs/brief design for men) 
because I have always been passionate about (How biology, eating and commerce connect/Red vs. Blue states in elephant culture/How to make legal briefs both legally cutting and unsoporific/the comfort factor for men’s equipment--the secret is in the gussets.) 


Jane Doe said that you were the most knowledgeable person she knows on the subject. My research on your work with (Lettuce prep/Elephant's and Picasso's Blue Period/Snoozing over briefs/sweat-wicking crotch fabric) confirms that I would love to meet with you (briefly, of course) to discuss your career path and your work in this field. 


So, I was using humor to make my point, but I want to make sure that I am actually helping my friend. And be honest, I am not that experienced in job interviews or cold-calling. If you have suggestions, please figure out how the heck you get into Google and post them. I'll pass them on to my friend.