Dear Princess Leia. I just watched the new Star Wars film, and I thought your performance warm and gentle, though I did miss your old feist.
My kid, however, did not recognize you until I softly sung, "She had a Danish on each ear, and Darth Vader drawing near."
But what is the deal with your mouth? You are only, what, 59? Why do you sound like you have bad dentures? We know it's not being in politics. Hilary Clinton is older than you, and so is Angela Merkel and neither one of them sounds like their bridge is coming out. Okay, you were a revolutionary. Hey, Angela Davis sounds just fine.
My big kid said it might be bad plastic surgery, but I know that revolutionaries don't get plastic surgery. They just have really, really long hair that takes a long time to wash and comb and braid and pin into interesting buns, whether they're over each ear or behind the head.
At any rate, if we see you in the next film--enunciate, enunciate, enunciate.